Dating: Five Ways

Five Ways We Repel Love and Five Ways to Draw Love to You

These are the five that I picked out from the audio lecture.

One
Repel: unrealistic expectation of others.
Draw: realistic expectation of others AND yourself

Two
Repel: Focusing on fears. When we focus on fears of dating and relationships it is natural to put up defense walls which push people away.
Draw: Don't focus on fears. You may still be rejected but rejection will come less often.

Three

Repel: Aren't doing enough to change your life. Taking a victim attitude about life.

Draw: Be proactive in how you are involved in your own life. Don't complain about what isn't happening but talk about what you are doing to change. Take responsibility.

Four

Repel: Giving the best of you to those who don't invest in you. Love is directly connected to sacrifice. So you might sacrifice in someone but it isn't returned so you fall in love and they aren't. Don't make right something that is wrong. 

Draw: Look for those around you who are responsible at the same level as you are. Give the best to those who invest. 

Five

Repel: Pushing for exclusivity too soon in words and body language. (You look needy and desperate). Hold off on the DTR (define the relationship) and feeling grab. Don't pressure anyone!

Draw: Declare your interest. Trust, relax and let go. Declare your thoughts, feelings rather than trying to drag out a commitment from someone. Instead of DTR, DYT (this should be 5-7 weeks in and you are still dating other people) by saying "I'm having a great time and enjoy spending time with you and am interested in becoming exclusive with you at some point. Let me know when you are ready to talk about that if you are interested. And until then I'll assume I should keep dating other people" And walk confidently away. They didn't have to respond to you. Lets them think and mentioning the "dating other people" will often light a fire.

Full 30 minute Audio download available online.

Dating Secrets!!

Saturday I went to a YSA Conference and attended a Dating Class. This class was AWESOME! I learned so much about dating and body language and everything. I signed up to receive emails so I thought I'd share some of the good stuff.

The 17 Secrets to the Male Psychology

1. Men seek out relationships that make them feel trusted and respected.
2. Men love through sacrifice.
3. Men are largely logical about their relationships and commitment. Thus, they do not commit easily to things they have not invested in over a period of time.
4. Men are driven to succeed, face challenges, compete, and conquer.
5. Men like women who like themselves.
6. Men love to be heroes.
7. Men like being appreciated.
8. Men like femininity.
9. Men like women who have opinions and assert their needs.
10. Good men pursue women who are approachable and appear to be available.
11. Good men want sex with a woman who feels good about having sex with them and will wait until marriage.
12. Men need to be needed.
13. Men are repelled by criticism, nagging, and whining.
14. A man experiences anxiety in every conversation a woman initiates until she tells him what she wants him to do.
15. Men bond through doing activities and talking about things more than they do through talking about people, problems, feelings, or ideas.
16. Good men adore women who give them love, attention, and affection.
17. Good men are often willing to talk openly and honestly when they feel it will help them or another person.

The 17 Secrets to the Female Psychology

1. Women thrive when they feel safe and secure. 
2. Women love through sacrifice but need a man to communicate his needs if that sacrifice is to be helpful rather than hurtful or over-responsible.
3. Women read into a man's behavior, get excited, assume commitment, and then get hurt when he pulls away due to the added pressure.
4. Women are critical of their bodies and fear competition from other women.
5. Women are attracted to strength and confidence.
6. Women are turned off by men who are too nice.
7. Women often fall in love with friends.
8. Women like to be pursued and to feel wanted.
9. Women enjoy touch, kissing, and affection but feel vulnerable and prone to shame after sexual contact.
10. Women want men who hold off sexually. It makes a woman feel respected and wanted rather than feeling like an object.
11. Women want immediate relationships but trust and value slow-progressing relationships.
12. Women long to feel adored.
13. Women are repelled by moping, brooding, and the silent treatment.
14. Women worry. They need to know they are not alone in dealing with the problems of the relationship.
15. Women who don't trust and respect their men fall out of love, especially if there is no communication.
16. Women like gifts, surprises, reasonable spontaneity, and excitement. The extra effort makes them feel special.
17. Women would rather have open and honest communication about misdeeds than to be protected from the truth.

Snell, Alisa Goodwin, L.M.F.T. (2008) Dating Game Secrets for Marrying a Good Man. Bonneville Books, Springville, UT.

Ireland Day 1

I dread the creation of this post. The only reason for this dread is there is SO much I want to talk about. This trip was incredible. It will just take a long time to get through. I already posted an image with words that described Ireland but as awesome as that was, it really wasn't enough! Alright then. Here we go.

We started our journey to Ireland 18 Saturday 2011 at 4am. We drove from our house to Stansted Airport and from there barely made our flight to Cork, Ireland. It amazes me how low security is at these tiny airports. I'm not complaining. We flew Ryan Air which is a cheaper version of Southwest. Our round trip flight was about $25 each (you can't get a flight that cheap anywhere in the states). We packed only what we could put in our backpacks. Now Ryan Air maybe cheap in flight s but you pay for everything on the flight. No free food. No free drinks. No free magazines. They talk you into buying a drink and it is an ity bity can of soda. Like a sip. For $7. Rip off. And you can buy most anything on the plane: perfume, bottles of wine, swimsuits etc.

Anyway. After our short flight to Cork, Ireland, we rented a car and began our adventure. One of our first stops was Ross Castle (more of a Guard Tower). These guard towers were placed all over Ireland. Their function was very much apart of the feudal system. The wealthy man of the castle lived here with his family, men and animals. And all lived here inside the small walls of the building.

Our next stop was a little town called Muckrose. Here we caught a horse and trap. Our horse was named Charlie and our driver had the thickest accent. I believe he was speaking English, but man, I couldn't understand a thing he said. It didn't help that while he drove I couldn't see his face. Dad did a good job trying to understand what he was saying and communicating for the rest of us. (My dad served in this area of Ireland on his mission a long time ago). Our tour of Muckrose included the beautiful home and massive estate. Everything was so green! There is a reason Ireland's color is green. The home was beautiful. We didn't actually go inside it. Too expensive and no time, but the grounds were beautiful. Our driver let us get off and walk around. There were some other trap drivers that were a lot younger and cuter than ours. But we were happy with Charlie (and didn't really have an option to change).

After our stop at the Muckrose house we made our way over to Torc Waterfalls. Charlie was a good sport and got us up the hills. There were many moments when we felt bad for the horse having to pull all of our weight. But he survived. Torc waterfall was quite pretty. The surrounding green EVERYWHERE sure framed it nicely. I was expecting a good sized hike to the falls but it was very easy and well trod by the other tourists that were there. By this time (I know only halfway into the first day) I noticed that there were a LOT of Americans in Ireland. A lot of American tourists. They are easy to spot with their clothes and very easy to hear with their loud and proud voices. I've wondered about why there were so many Americans in Ireland. Ireland is nice and all but I feel there is more drive to visit England. However, the thought hit me. There are a lot of Americans with Irish ancestry. Of course they would want to visit their homeland. I was also surprised to see American flags flying all over the place. Welcoming the Americans 'home' I guess.

FYI: Ireland weather is not suited for cute hair and faces. So here we are in our natural element. I smile every time I see the picture on the bottom right.

By now you are wondering... gosh, isn't Angela done yet? Nope. This is only halfway through the first day. :D

Our next and really, final stop was our place we were staying. It was sort of like a bread and breakfast with out the breakfast. I guess people call it cottage staying. Anyway, you rent a house for a week. The house we stayed at was in the middle of no where. It was between two little towns: Beaufort and Killarney. The house is actually on a working dairy farm. The family that lives there were so nice and welcoming. They let us come watch them milk the cows. And their dogs just loved us. Fion, the Irish Wolfhound especially. He went on a walk with us down the street. Stayed with us the whole time. Little did we know until we got back that this HUGE dog was only 14 months old. Still a puppy. The area was beautiful! And for as many cows were all over it didn't smell at all. I don't know what Americans feed their cows... but we should stop cause it sure stinks. 

Trooping the Colour

11 June 2011

Trooping the Colour is a celebration of the Queen's birthday. The troops march out buttons sparkling, uniforms perfect and horses spiffed up. Streets all around Buckingham Palace are closed for this parade. I'm not sure why the Queen would want to spend her birthday checking the troops. Maybe that is why she has two birthdays (her day she was born and the "official" birthday).

I was impressed with the band. In the states the band marches out. I thought it was hard enough to march and play, especially when the band starts dancing and doing routines. The English take it a step farther. The Royal bands come out on horseback. I was impressed.

The Queen's birthday is also attended by all of the Royal Family. Most of them ride in carriages from Buckingham Palace to the Parade grounds. In the picture below we have Queen Elizabeth and her husband Philip (Duke of Edinburgh). In the second carriage is Prince William, Prince Charles and Camilla, and Catherine (Duchess of Cambridge). What about the Duke of Cambridge (Prince William)?? He is on horse back with several other members of the family including Princess Ann (the Charles' sister). I didn't get a good picture of him.

One thing I was very impressed with was the loyalty of the English people to their Queen. Many of the people we talked to come out to this event every year. They do it to see their Queen and celebrate with her. Some come from far and wide to see her. The attachment the people have to their monarchy is so interesting. It sounds so odd to be so attached to a person or in many cases the whole family. The English talk of their royalty as if they were extended family they know personally and very well for that matter. Many outsiders don't really understand the bond. I'm not saying I do. But I think Americans can compare their own patriotism and love for the United States to the English love of their Royals. I also believe it is part of the tradition. They have almost always had royalty and it has served the people very well. Queen Elizabeth has also been through a lot with her people. She fought along side them during WWII. She is one of them in many respects.

After we watched the Royal Family ride from Buckingham Palace to the Parade Grounds and back we quickly found the gate which opened the street to the public. We weaseled our way right up behind the bobbies (who held us at bay). It was actually quiet fun to be in this huge crowd of people making their way to Buckingham Palace. The people on the sides were waving to us as if we were part of the parade. I'm not sure how we quite did it but we made it to the VERY front of Buckingham Palace. As you can see (by Kelli's face in the bottom left corner) we were plastered to the front of the gate. We could barely move but man the view was great!!

The Queen made one last check of the troops as they performed the changing of the guards. The whole Royal Family came out to see the public and the flybys. The jets with the colored tails are the Red Arrows. I also caught a picture of Catherine's royal sneeze. The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge were really very cute! I LOVED her outfit.

After the royals went back in it took us FOREVER to get out of Buckingham area. We kept getting cut off by the cops trying to direct traffic. We were starving and tired of standing but we did get to see Prince Harry drive by in his beautiful sports car. When we finally got out we went to dinner at Cote. Oh my goodness it was SO good. French food at its finest. Seriously, England has great places to eat. Expensive but SO GOOD!!!! Beats Olive Garden any day.

Ely Cathedral - LHS Graduation

I finally have time to catch up on my blog. I'm a month behind. Ekk!!

10 June 2011
We went to Ely Cathedral for Lakenheath High School Graduation. We knew some of the graduates and Kelli was in the choir. For those who forgot or who didn't read my past posts, I LOVE Ely Cathedral. It is so beautiful and HUGE.

I am so jealous that these kids get to graduate from here (I graduated from the Taco Bell Arena). The ceremony was so different compared to my graduation. Everything was so much more professional and just beautiful. There was such respect for the atmosphere and the graduates. My heart was touched by so many things. First, this is a Department of Defense Education school. Most kids have only been here for a few years if not months. Yet the unity that could be felt was awesome. Second, many of those graduates were missing a parent that night. A good chunk of their parents are currently deployed in the Middle East. Although the parents couldn't be there they would be able to see the graduation via live and replayed video of the ceremony.

More about Ely Cathedral.

Part of the King's Speech was filmed in Ely Cathedral. The scene inside Westminster (where the King is crowned, is not a good place for film crew and such) was filmed in Ely Cathedral. In my personal opinion, a good choice. The crews left behind the 'chair'. We saw the actual chair that is used in real crownings.... but that will be in a later post.

 

 

Working at Ancestry.com

For those wondering, I work at Ancestry.com in the Public Relation/Marketing department doing genealogy. I research celebrities and try to find connections between other celebrities. Here is a link to a recent finding done by a co-worker.

Ireland

For images please see my Facebook page.

Marriage = Adulthood??

I'm in a different stage of life than most of my friends. I'm single. I honestly love where I am right now. I don't mean this post to be a complaint, more of an observation. I have noticed that to many people, being married means you have finally reach adulthood. You don't reach adulthood when you turn 18 years old. You don't reach adulthood when you are 21 or even when you reach 25. If you are single you are still not "an adult".

Now, I'm obviously excluding single people who have children. The addition of children is a completely different subject.  And I'm only seeing this from my perspective inside the LDS world.

Why is there such a big gap between single and married?

Could it be that as a single individual you are responsible for only one person, yourself? This lack of responsibility makes you not 'mature' enough to be an adult. Even a full time job at a large company doesn't put you into the 'adult' world.

I have found in general, married people (unless they are one generation older) tend to have difficulty conversing with single individuals. I love the women in my parents ward. Most of them are very near my age if not my age or younger. But they treat me as they would a teenager. Not knowing how to talk to me and in many cases leaving me out of the conversation completely. Part of it may be my fault. I don't have a lot of experience with children so the part that their lives revolve around I know nothing about. Anyway, I'm rambling now.

It is just an interesting thought. I am grateful for those married friends who take the time and effort to relate and include me in their lives.