How Do I Answer This Question?

Why are you still single?

I get asked this question more often than I'd like to share. It is a question I have yet to find a good answer to.  I was asked this very recently once again and I had no way to answer it. I always stumble over my words and make up something dumb. This time I wrangled in a good guy friend to answer this question for me. He gave a very lovely answer that may be true. He said that I was still single because I was so pretty and all the boys are intimidated by my beauty. Very kind. I appreciated it. However, this question still bugs me. I hate being asked.

Why am I still single?

Here is my version of my answer. It is not complete by any means, but it is the best I can come up with at the moment and hopefully next time a guy asks me this question I will remember and share this answer.

I have every desire to get married and begin the next chapter of my progression to eternal life. I have been blessed with still being independent (that word sounds better than alone).

I am still single for several reasons:

• God has something greater planned for me that I know at this point.
• I have more things to learn about myself and the world around me and experiences to have that will benefit my future spouse and family that I couldn't have gained any other way.
• My future spouse has more things to learn before we progress further together.
• I am picky. I am. It is a wonderful thing and I am not ashamed of it. I'd rather be single and content than in a relationship that is miserable. 
• I expect and demand a lot. I want someone worth fighting for and someone that is willing to fight for me.
• Like my friend mentioned, I am probably intimidating. I have a career. I am beautiful. I am successful. I am a leader-type personality. I don't take crap from people.
• Boys don't ask girls (aka me and my amazing friends) out (a dumb reason to explain why I'm still single, but man is it true).

Reasons I am really grateful that I have not yet gotten married (really I am):

• I am a college graduate.
• I have a career and know how to work (and it is a job I could do from home that isn't like everyone else's over saturated photography and crafts).
• I have money that is currently being saved up for my future spouse and home.
• I have traveled the world and seen things most may never see.
• I have learned so much about myself that would have been more difficult to learn if I was taking care of someone else's needs.
• I have developed myself. I have more confidence in who I am and my confidence doesn't come from others. I have learned lessons I would have never been able to learn any other way.

Elevator Pitch

Elevator Pitch - a short summary used to quickly and simply define a product, service or organization and its value proposition, usually between thirty seconds and two minutes. 

I'm a genealogist. Surprise! One of the biggest issues we face in our company is unhappy clients. Don't get me wrong, most of our clients are very happy with their product. However, we do have clients that are not very well pleased with our work. Feeling we didn't spend their money well and that we should have found more. The question was brought up - how can we make people understand exactly what we do and really how difficult and AMAZING it truly is. How do you make someone truly understand who has never tried? How do you make someone understand?

I don't have a perfect answer at the moment. I'm hoping this blog post will help me wrangle in my thoughts and come up with a valid, concise and understandable answer. (I will take any advice and ideas so please share).

One thought or comparison that was discussed is the New York City comparison.

Finding an ancestor is like finding a specific individual in New York City with nothing other than their name. In case you didn't know, there are about 9 million people in New York City. Oh and on top of that, pick a name that is VERY common. Similarly, finding your ancestor in billions of records and names is very difficult. 

 This next comparison might be a bit exaggerated, but it is pretty much the same idea.

Needle in a haystack! It is in there! Promise. It looks like every other piece of hay, but you gotta find it. Or at least try as hard as you can. You may not be able to find it.

Alright, now my creative juices are going crazy. Probably just because it has been a long day so I apologize if this sounds stupid.

You cut up several hundred carrots (or some other veggie of your choice) and throw them all in a massive bowl. Then someone tells you that you must reassemble each piece with the correct carrot. Oh, and remember that there are several slices of carrots that might have been eaten (genealogical records destroyed by fire) or rolled away (genealogical records that are lost or never created). It is usually possible to reassemble the veggies, but it is often very difficult.

I'd love to get feedback on this Elevator Pitch. Let me know if this helps you understand what a genealogists really does and how difficult and rewarding the research is.

Practice

I saw a photo on Pinterest the other day that included steps on how to become a better writer. One of those steps included writing more. Practice. Now, FYI writing has NEVER been one of my talents. I've had several people say that I'm a great writer... I don't believe them. Probably cause I detest writing. I don't enjoy it.

Another reason I don't care for writing is I don't feel like anyone would care or is interested in what I have to say. Unless something was really awesome that I need to share, why write it. Totally the wrong frame of mind. 

However, my job is all about writing. Alright, not ALL about writing but a good portion of it is writing. I write reports that should express what research was done and also be interesting. People are spending thousands of dollars and the report tells them what we did. As I grow as a genealogists, I need to become a better writer. I need to write in a way that flows and is easy to follow as well as being interesting and personable.

AND as a genealogists, my line of work is all about stories.

The point is, I obviously need to practice more. So here is to practicing and becoming better.

Disease vs. Symptom

Disease vs. Symptom

"You're treating a symptom while the disease rages on, consumes the human race. The fish rots from the head, so they say." - NPH, Dr Horrible's Sing Along Blog

If you just treat the symptom what good is that going to do? It makes things feel better for a little while. But eventually the symptoms will resurface again. It is so much better to just fix the disease. Figure out what the real problem is and start the repairs at the base.

This thought has come up in several aspects of my life. Some have been simple. Others are a bit more complex. Some circumstances I am the doctor and am in charge of finding and fixing the disease. Others I am merely an invested onlooker with little to no say in what the doctors do. It is so hard to be an invested onlooker hoping and praying the doctors can find the root of the disease before you are called up to participate.

Standing For Something

This past week has brought a lot of reflection on this idea.

What do you stand for? How firm do you stand for it? Would you be willing to lose your job or something you value greatly standing for it?

Good Quote

“Don’t give up... Don’t you quit. You keep walking. You keep trying. There is help and happiness ahead—a lot of it... You keep your chin up. It will be all right in the end. Trust God and believe in good things to come.” Jeffery R. Holland
http://www.lds.org/general-conference/1999/10/an-high-priest-of-good-things-to-come?lang=eng

I've had a lot on my mind lately and at some point I'll eventually get them all written down and processed. While trying to process everything that is in my head, and it is quite a bit of stuff, I found this article posted by a friend on Facebook.


15 Things You Should Give Up To Be Happy


It was very eye opening. Man do I have a lot to work on. Reading some of them on the list really hit home and helped put some of my floating emotions into words and laid out exactly what I have been doing wrong.


I'm excited to work on these things as well as the list I've already started.


The List from the blog is as follows:

1. GIVE UP YOUR NEED TO ALWAYS BE RIGHT

 There are so many of us who can’t stand the idea of being wrong – wanting to always be right – even at the risk of ending great relationships or causing a great deal of stress and pain, for us and for others. It’s just not worth it. Whenever you feel the ‘urgent’ need to jump into a fight over who is right and who is wrong, ask yourself this question: “Would I rather be right, or would I rather be kind?”Wayne Dyer. What difference will that make? Is your ego really that big?

2. GIVE UP YOUR NEED FOR CONTROL

Be willing to give up your need to always control everything that happens to you and around you – situations, events, people, etc. Whether they are loved ones, coworkers, or just strangers you meet on the street – just allow them to be. Allow everything and everyone to be just as they are and you will see how much better will that make you feel.

“By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try. The world is beyond winning.” Lao Tzu

3. GIVE UP ON BLAME

 Give up on your need to blame others for what you have or don’t have, for what you feel or don’t feel. Stop giving your powers away and start taking responsibility for your life.

4. GIVE UP YOUR SELF-DEFEATING SELF-TALK

 Oh my. How many people are hurting themselves because of their negative, polluted and repetitive self-defeating mindset? Don’t believe everything that your mind is telling you – especially if it’s negative and self-defeating. You are better than that.

“The mind is a superb instrument if used rightly. Used wrongly, however, it becomes very destructive.” Eckhart Tolle

5. GIVE UP YOUR LIMITING BELIEFS

about what you can or cannot do, about what is possible or impossible. From now on, you are no longer going to allow your limiting beliefs to keep you stuck in the wrong place. Spread your wings and fly!

“A belief is not an idea held by the mind, it is an idea that holds the mind” Elly Roselle

6. GIVE UP COMPLAINING

 Give up your constant need to complain about those many, many, maaany things – people, situations, events that make you unhappy, sad and depressed. Nobody can make you unhappy, no situation can make you sad or miserable unless you allow it to. It’s not the situation that triggers those feelings in you, but how you choose to look at it. Never underestimate the power of positive thinking.

7. GIVE UP THE LUXURY OF CRITICISM

Give up your need to criticize things, events or people that are different than you. We are all different, yet we are all the same. We all want to be happy, we all want to love and be loved and we all want to be understood. We all want something, and something is wished by us all.

8. GIVE UP YOUR NEED TO IMPRESS OTHERS

Stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not just to make others like you. It doesn’t work this way. The moment you stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not, the moment you take off all your masks, the moment you accept and embrace the real you, you will find people will be drawn to you, effortlessly.

9. GIVE UP YOUR RESISTANCE TO CHANGE

 Change is good. Change will help you move from A to B. Change will help you make improvements in your life and also the lives of those around you. Follow your bliss, embrace change – don’t resist it.
“Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls” Joseph Campbell

10. GIVE UP LABELS

 Stop labeling those things, people or events that you don’t understand as being weird or different and try opening your mind, little by little. Minds only work when open. “The highest form of ignorance is when you reject something you don’t know anything about.” Wayne Dyer

11. GIVE UP ON YOUR FEARS

Fear is just an illusion, it doesn’t exist – you created it. It’s all in your mind. Correct the inside and the outside will fall into place.
“The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself.” Franklin D. Roosevelt

12. GIVE UP YOUR EXCUSES

Send them packing and tell them they’re fired. You no longer need them. A lot of times we limit ourselves because of the many excuses we use. Instead of growing and working on improving ourselves and our lives, we get stuck, lying to ourselves, using all kind of excuses – excuses that 99.9% of the time are not even real.

13. GIVE UP THE PAST

I know, I know. It’s hard. Especially when the past looks so much better than the present and the future looks so frightening, but you have to take into consideration the fact that the present moment is all you have and all you will ever have. The past you are now longing for – the past that you are now dreaming about – was ignored by you when it was present. Stop deluding yourself. Be present in everything you do and enjoy life. After all life is a journey not a destination. Have a clear vision for the future, prepare yourself, but always be present in the now.

14. GIVE UP ATTACHMENT

This is a concept that, for most of us is so hard to grasp and I have to tell you that it was for me too, (it still is) but it’s not something impossible. You get better and better at with time and practice. The moment you detach yourself from all things, (and that doesn’t mean you give up your love for them – because love and attachment have nothing to do with one another,  attachment comes from a place of fear, while love… well, real love is pure, kind, and self less, where there is love there can’t be fear, and because of that, attachment and love cannot coexist) you become so peaceful, so tolerant, so kind, and so serene. You will get to a place where you will be able to understand all things without even trying. A state beyond words.

15. GIVE UP LIVING YOUR LIFE TO OTHER PEOPLE’S EXPECTATIONS

Way too many people are living a life that is not theirs to live. They live their lives according to what others think is best for them, they live their lives according to what their parents think is best for them, to what their friends, their enemies and their teachers, their government and the media think is best for them. They ignore their inner voice, that inner calling. They are so busy with pleasing everybody, with living up to other people’s expectations, that they lose control over their lives. They forget what makes them happy, what they want, what they need….and eventually they forget about themselves.  You have one life – this one right now – you must live it, own it, and especially don’t let other people’s opinions distract you from your path.

Be not afraid of growing slowly; be afraid only of standing still.
-Chinese Proverb